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The Odd

by ddb

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Leaving Now 02:28
Leave me now, I dismiss you for now Breathe in long, walk out the window. I'm pulling you down, spreading your life around deliberately meeting you out of town an hour from now We believers are challenged to return, enveloped by endless pursuit of the dream.
We the believers, now recoil to the great pattern, and the cycle of visions that follow the turn. Into the fever, I witness the silent soul of those who would not stray alone, romantics staring into a void they've never seen before. Hark ye angels come, I'll face this resonant abyss. When I see a thousand lovers lapping up the blood of their common dream.
Within in this resonant abyss, the stillness echoes all around me Within in this endless darkness, my mind builds image from memory. But I can recall, this was my dream.
A Dream 04:29
Early on in the dream, there was a quiet cloud around me covering the lights. I felt hazy and done in.. I'll just sit a while and let the envelope seal. There's just plenty of time. The misty veil smoldered with delicate thawing luminosity. Gossamer whispers brush my cheek. And all I want to see now, is that clear twinkling sky, I can somehow remember.
suddenly everything becomes clear. I don't know why I'm lost The frosty feeling fades from my face and I look around for my escape. A simple valley carries me around. I'll be fine I know, I'll sit here for a spell The glass is half empty, the glass has spilled And I'm a long way from where I used to feel The breeze became a wind, the letters scattered of the page, And a sharpened finger caressed across the lobe of my overconfidence. Can you feel it move? Like a cold ice cube cold across a solid marble surface. slowing down.. slowing down.. Did the glass fall out of reach? Is somebody else around? How will I know if it's just me? Is nobody else around?
Lucid 05:07
I walked along the boarded up streets, the overgrown sidewalk and scattered with trash I saw the sun coming up Coming back, I'm a brick of ice, slipping across the polished terrazzo. Consuming scraps of memories and drifting hopes loose and free across the grains of pure concrwete. Summer storms roaming through the desert, I feel my skin beginning to shed. Luxuriating in the winds, dense and noxious, my inspiration is frozen and dead.
Now that I can see much better, I feel like I should probably leave. It's just the late morning, the towering rock walls are beginning to breathe in the daylight. With each slow exhale, the vast valley becomes more vivid. I make my way over to the foothills, my legs are heavy, my heart is clenched Behind me now, an ache, a depth, so perfect I can only just stare. Silage across the path, fodder and fermented whey. And with that, the equilibrium fails. The breath collapses and tunnels through the passage way. White-hot engorged air fuming with noise. The sympathy of the bowels I've left, refracted by my tears. A hollow boom from the sandy cleft. The bulkhead heating up until I'm scared to go on.
The deep valley below me, both barren and fertile, desolate and lush, scorched and luxuriant, I'm split up into innumerable parts by the all-inflaming passion A tempest of blaze on this snow covered pass. I cast away my idea of the self. My name slips away. Still trying to escape, I whisper "goodbye" With the key in my hand, my dreams scattered across the horizon. The Mind empty of words, the snow sparkles with bits of silver. The deep valley below me, both barren and fertile, desolate and lush, scorched and luxuriant, Surging in waves. Uneven pressure on my palms I'll conform to The Odd.
Fire 03:08
Bodies in a tier declaring "fire" acknowledging me, directing traffic towards me I'm fake, I'm just shapes manifesting morality. I'm the one screaming fire on the cliffs alone. I'm shouting into non-being What an annoyance, an ugly bother. The lost tones thrummed away focusing along the corridors. Finally congregating an old-fashioned dinner horn. Fire, I smell fire. The poison knife hissed sass from my belt. Taking the blade in my hand, I carved some prophecy onto the backs of a few shellfish
Taking the blade in my hand, tossing it point-first back into the sheath. I danced the terpsichore gallop (with all the sublime heroics worked in) I'd lifted my eyebrow up. "Mather, did you see?" The younger orderly clutched her mini Ondes Martinet, curled tightly by the side of the path. Singing gently: "This is the way, Take the stairs my friends. Heed my words, I am the See-er"
I believe I hear, I hear the rush, Oh water ahead. Fall'n down the far side of our troubles, all behind us now. I take solace to be surrounded by such great company I melted into the holy swoon. Sweet delirium sparkled across the rush. This peace glows into our eyes, blinding Little Fish darting past our feet, shooting upstream. I embrace the now & then. Such love in this melt-away, headed for oceans never seen. Adieu to that glint so bittersweet Here's to amber yearnings, vanished despair, and cheerful old times.
The pale shallow breathing, and the fever's high beams in my eyes I'll wait till the turn of the season, I will rest and heal for a while The walk is wearing me down now, the slope is steep, the brambles are thick I long for the days of, the rolling hills and the beautiful steppe. There was a time to run, and now is the time to wait. Recharge and recover, my mind drifts away and begins to paint I find a spot in the night, and I stare into dark river water. I get an earache and worse, my truth splits into 2 broken oaths.
The 3 of us, walking out of that barren hell, with nothing in our hands. Just myself, Mather, and the Orderly. Feeling like hell. We're burning out. I wince at the sudden pain in my ears. Vigor fills my boots again. What is at work here? A gloom perspires from my brow. The agony rises in my sinus Has something hitched a ride in my body?
I am writing you this letter so that you may know what has happened. I can't observe beyond today. It's out of control, come what may.. Heading back home, I love the sunset sinking into the hills. Why should I be afraid? I'm scared because it's new. I'm scared because the world I've left is different through and through. Have I fallen asleep? Is this my idea in the air? In a daydream I walk around. Did I really even walk out? I have one life, and I give it to you because you asked me to. I'm just a pinion in the glorious machine. Here I sing to the loss of the self to the swirling void behind me. Or perhaps the idea self was just an illusion, and "I" simply never was. Anyway, this might be the last time that "I" can tell you anything, anything at all. I feel like The Odd is 'me' now, and I cannot separate this experience of existence from the former.
It seems that I am collapsing into 1. My many masks are melting together. I crumble in times gone by I am gliding on the edge of the infinite, of the ethereal, yet anchored here in the field. The Individuals run like water to the sea's open mouth Drinking us all down, to become what may.
Becoming One 05:06
There is no frame around me now. The four directions stretching outward in pure bliss. To become it all, to stand solid in truth. To resonate in sonority with the universe around me. I look at my companions again. "Don't be wounded, rise and walk with me" For the longing kiss of home would never come, after all. A Gentle breeze curls the tips of my hair. The See-er gazes at me in full understanding.
A Detour 04:03
We must leave this road. Take the path on which I intend to go A change of course, of course. A change of plan. Find a way to be alone again. I've wallowed in the void for far too long, I want to finally be reborn, to finally take a breath in my natural form If you want to run I'll take your legs so you would fall. If you complain I'll take your hands so you can't crawl away. Take this road with me, it's empty for miles and miles There's nobody near I can see. The paper mask is slipping off my chin.
Dearest Mather, I will never know if these words manage to find you, but if I do not write this down and send it out into the world, the universe may never know what to do. I don't know what happened to you. You might be dead, lost, captured, stranded, or in love with someone else. I am no longer riddled with the terrible anxiety of not-knowing, and I'm not mad, or disappointed. I only want you to know one thing: I love you, and I will continue to do so no matter what has happened to you. May these words find you with the grace of God. -A
We now are approaching the Abattoir at last at last Mather believes he is still walking, but my spell is cast. just a bale of flesh, a mere package in tow. The See-er carries him forward in silence, because she knows. This is the place where will I can maybe jump the gap. and This is the place where Mather will breathe his last. And this is the place where so many have slipped into sleep. This is the place where the See-er will finally see what she can really see. Just keep moving forward Just keep walking onward Just keep moving forward
Ceremony 05:14
I have petitioned the powers, and all has been sealed. I am permitted to proceed. The place is prepared. Berries and blades bind every barrier. The remnants of our bread, the last drop of brandy. Water from nearby. All is good, I kiss, I whisper, all things are combined. The Dark Wave of pure nothingness crashes on the shores. I pull the tiny string from the center of my exhausted soul.
Reborn 04:10
I fall awake. A long slide into daylight. How many days have passed? The see-er is gone. Walked out of this room. Her tracks buried after seasons of weather. Mather's bones have turned into crunchy dry leaves that blew away. How many years have gone by? I look around me, My old corpse beside me. How many years have gone by? And as I rise, the layers of ash fall down to the dirt. I can feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. I flex my hand and it responds. My hair flowing in the wind. The deep aroma of the earth. I can sense the history of this place all the people that lived and died here. I can smell The rich scent of the earth. I've asked to be sent home I don't know how far I have roamed How many years have gone by? I'm feeling ready to run to the sky The earth has renewed itself in this time.... How many years have gone by?
The gentle steps of the See-er were not possible to follow. The true moderator. One that can vanish I'm left alone. So close and so far A delicate leaf kisses my cheek Astral eyes ringing like church bells The Valleys 'sing please' out to me. Eloquent orators, thee. A gentle fog swarms along I realize, I will have to travel to where it started for me. Inactive, we are. Nothing is there, but potential towers over all. All eyes gaze on us, kings queens, Gods, and worthless dust. Someday, when their hearts allow them to look, they'll stare into me until all are blind
My four arms went a-glimmering, I'm brimming with bare bones now. I fear that I might get buried, but at least I'll be grounded My cage is finally clear, maybe I'll keep you there... There is no way to understand, but to experience how idle and grinding is the existence of the ghost. How about I take you there? Enjoy your time now, where we are going there is no sleep, there is no waking. I'll find you soon....
We desperately need some peace Some rest from the loneliness of the fight. I'll curl up like a cat, and give up just like that, A little time to float away from the noise and the pain. We desperately need some peace Some respite, some serenity for a while I'll give everything I took back, I'm waving the white flag. We can return to our vicious rage after this short break.
The establishment of the 5 different lobes Now 5 divergent places to call my home. But the truth is always shining through, there is one that, with the heart, is singing true, Non-negotiable, society deludes, eschews the monolithic moment in the crude Free and elegant I fly to the warm cocoon. My memories are grim but my family is tuned We leave our footprints on the footpaths of our lives If you were to follow then it's me you'd surely find I am home at last, a home I've always loved you will never find me here, you are lost. So with some courage, you could come back with me home. I believe it is my purpose to send you back to the great unknown. In my heart.... is a dream for you. In this desert you will find oblivion, and I will be there with something different. No matter how far I go, or for how many years. there is one home for me, and that is why I'm here
The Vision 03:52
I am in a heap with you. You can cuddle my sand drifts. Oh, it's a hallucination. Meet me at the Emotional Falls, there is a daily flood. I'll bring the thunder-basket, you can bring the "self".
Preparations 03:00
Welcome to the edge of your thread Nothing can be left here, nothing said. Only between this island and the moon I am called out to wander again. It's a beautiful dance Hold me tightly in community. I'm unable to form unless the resonance surrounds me. I'll hold the lantern in the dark. Sing the solemn note into the silence Pen the epic novel into the dust.
The Plea 04:15
You can conclude to conclude our story There is no need to force this conflict between me and you. I am begging you to leave me in peace. There must be something else for you to go and do I won't tell you what to do with your life if you wont try to commandeer mine we can both walk away and that's just fine and if you think I've got something hidden up my sleeve well I can tell you that I just might we can both walk away and that's just fine you can come find me now if you want to I'll stay exactly where I aught to be and if you think the future is set in stone well there's something that you simply haven't seen....
Aggression 03:05
I endure, I lift out from the vacuum The void drips away from my corpse My harsh voice spills outward across the earth, drowning out the fading whimpers from the meager egos attempting to halt my progression. Vulgar, acrid skies, depleted of all sunlight, A shared tomb. Everyone abandoned, floating in the infinite lack. All hope is slaughtered, and I feel no shame.
Death 05:44
I did not foresee this Foresight is not my art. The technique is valuable to any who would use their craft on me. The acceptance of my loss. I crawl away with my cross I did not expect the family of The See-er Now it's away to the end with me. The color is fading from my feet I walk proudly beyond the great monolith. The Beauty in this world can't save me. my body crashes with a lifeless thud the curtain closes on all of us The birds in the sky are still singing the last charms that I said are still ringing


Songs created during Sadfam Month of July 2022

Cover Photo by Michael LaDue


released August 3, 2022


all rights reserved



ddb Bakersfield, California

Percussion and experimental etc. Check out my new project Onkos --> i-voidhangerrecords.bandcamp.com/album/onkos

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